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Author: Shevach Pepper Article source: http://www.articledeshboard.com/. Used with author's permission.
In most families sibling rivalry is common. Fighting and arguing with your brothers and sisters as you grow up together is natural and this should not cause alarm. Sibling rivalry does not happen in every family although happens in plenty families.
If your kids seem to have a good relationship with each other and are happy, a little disagreement here and there is nothing to worry about. If your kids are fighting and arguing to the point that a child is constantly unhappy then it should be talked about and should stop. If you ignore sibling rivalry once it has gone this far it will not go away and may cause your kids to not be able to bond in the future.
Reasons for jealousy, sibling rivalry and provocation include:
Jealousy or aggressive personalities
Low self-esteem
Very little social skills
People suffering from low self-esteem tend to be unhappy with themselves and seek validation from others, especially family members. If their view is outwardly focused in this way, they can become envious and think others are better than them. If this person also lacks social skills, they might relieve their frustration by "acting up" with their siblings. He or she might also be provoked easily. This is the main cause of sibling rivalry.
How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry
When dealing with sibling rivalry that is unhealthy you should do it as indirectly as possible. If you deal with it directly you might make someone think you are taking sides and make the situation worse. The alienated child might feel victimized and then blame you for it and become aggressive.
Tips on dealing with sibling rivalry:
Give all of your kids love, attention, and support.
Spend time with the child in question. This boost self-esteem and makes him feel important.
Find the reason that the child is unhappy.
Give your child encouragement to confide. Be cautious and keep your temper, shouting at the child or upsetting the child is counterproductive.
After difficult situations have blown over discuss them with the child and ask if the child was watching their friends have the same disagreement what advice would they give their friends?
Talk to his teacher at school. Ask for solutions or advice. Remember that teachers have plenty of experience when it comes to dealing with children. You can make a plan with the teacher of how to help the child.
You can visit, if need be, a child psychologist (without the child) for further advice and solutions.
Jealousy and sibling rivalry can begin at any age although it is usually during childhood while the child is attempting to create or discover his own identity that these problems arise. These problems may also occur during puberty, adolescents and even early adulthood depending on the individual situation. These situations are easier to deal with while child is young. As a child matures your advice may not be taken as easily.
Adult Sibling Rivalries
If your adult child is having trouble with a sibling and this is disrupting the family, intervention is recommended. Here are some possible interventions:
If you have a good relationship with your child, try to get him to discuss the problem. Remain impartial and don't me judgmental.
You might want to get a fresh eye on the subject; get a close friend or relative to help you with dealing with the problem and talk to the child.
Have a third party discuss this with your children. This can be a close personal friend or a distant relative.
If the second sibling is more likely to accept advice, talk to him first. You will need a lot of tact and discretion.
It isn't easy to build self-esteem in children, especially after things have got out of hand and they have begun fighting with others. Don't give up and do keep working at it though. A lot of the most successful and happy people I know grew up with strained sibling relationships but things worked out fine in the end. If you make the effort, things will work out.
Go here to get parenting advice, pointers, and insights about sibling rivalry . You and your whole family be glad you did!
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